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Monday, 9 May 2016

Da Rize victory. We killed da mehnz...

My campaign post iz HERE. For activist inspiration go read.

To all da mehnz who oppressed Rize activists across boring oldiez Facebook and Twitter, fuck youse and we shall overcome. Wee Craigy cried on Thursday night. I chugged the Malibu and pineapple can I'd saved to celebrate Our victory in Glasgow. It wazzintto to be. I telt wee Craigy I'd do an analysez for the Interweb.

So, why did Rize not win? Well, me and Angry Angela sat and shared our Malibu cans wif each other and tried to work this out.

Our campaign online waz second to no fuckers. We shouted in all the capitalist tax dodgerz cafes. We shouted on da mean streets (Buchanan, Argyle, Milngavie). We made paper horses and stood at the front of crowdz wif our working class bannerz. We just took over social media man! Thoze SNP nationalist capitalist tax dodgerz didn't know what hit dem ya fucks! (If you are offended by da mother tongue of da streetz, you iz part of da problem, oldie!).

Angry Angie wrote fucking brilliant shit for the capitalist press, slamming fucking bastard mehnz and of course tax dodger mehnz. We took down the old bastards wat rooled the socialist movement for centuriez. We is da roolers now! So fuck you you pale male and stale fucks!

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I took a break from writing this after we fell asleep on da bus on the way home from the count. Itz Friday night now and mum has given in to my request of having working class street food instead of our usual delivery from Ashoka Bearsden. I'm having good honest Greggz rolls wif Coronation Chicken. I've taken myself into the new garden summerhouse for peace. And it has better wifi than da main house onywayz. Back to da analysez.

I think we lost because traitorz couldn't handle the truth of their privilege. We told them of their middle class shit was oppressing us young peoplez and women across the world. Wee Craigy weeps fir oppressed women and young peoplez.

Angry Angie has just snap chatted a pic of her makeup flowing down her face wif the caption, "Crying for da poor sisters across da world."

We also lost because peoplez who promised our Team Rize hunners of thousands of poundz didn't give it. That's because they are capitalist greedy fat fucks (Lesto calls everybody that who Getz in his face. Online, like). We needs more money- spesh to give us Mocha'z and rolls in da Yes Barr after a long morning of shouting at shopperz.

We needz to get better at grabbing fundz. I suggested bag packing at Waitrose.

So what next for da crew? Well, Craigy says we gonna take the fascist Councils. We gonna storm dem big time and start a revolution in Scotland that will stretch from Angry Angie'z Twitta through to Largs and As far as Plockton (we've a caravan there, so's I'm gonna wear a badge the whole summer! Just think how many peoplez THAT will reach!).

Rize woke da working class in all if us. I am third generation working class- some of da photos I've seen of seventies Bearsden Cross show the deprivation my fore fathers lived through. Fucking Queens Jubillee celebrations and Lady fuckin Diana weddings and stuff).

We iz Rizing. We won't be ignored.

This was a victory for everyone.

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